Ages 6–8 · 8 little discoveries
Hece’s Feelings Notebook
Eight lessons about feelings and getting along: what happened and how it felt, different feelings about the same event, saying what you need, safe choices for a big feeling, fair turns, a respectful no, saying sorry and making it right, and asking for support.
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What happened, how did I feel?
Tell what happened in a short story apart from how a character feels about it.
Every story has two parts. First, something happens: rain starts at the picnic. Then someone feels something. Hece says, “I feel sad.”
So we can ask two questions: “What happened?” and “How do you feel?” What happened is a fact, like a picture tearing. A feeling is inside a person, so only that person can tell us.
Careful: do not mix them up. “The tower fell” tells us what happened, but not how Piko feels. If Piko has not said yet, we can ask.
Now you try. Tosbi says, “The ball rolled away. I feel worried.” Which part is what happened? Which part is a feeling?
Same event, different feelings
Say that two friends can have different feelings about the same event, and choose to ask instead of guessing.
Piko and Tosbi get a new puzzle. Piko says, “I feel excited! I love puzzles.” Tosbi says, “I feel worried. It looks hard.” Same puzzle, two different feelings.
Why can feelings be different? Friends like different things and have tried different things. Piko likes puzzles. Tosbi has never tried this kind. Neither feeling is wrong.
Careful: an event alone does not tell us a friend’s feeling. “Everyone loves puzzles!” is only a guess, and “You should not feel that” does not help. We ask, “How do you feel?” Then we listen, and then we can offer help.
Now you try. Loud music starts in the hall. Hece says, “I like it!” Piko says, “It is too loud for me.” Can both feelings be true? What could you ask?
Saying what I need
Say what would help in a short “I need…” sentence, and tell it apart from blaming or ordering.
Feelings give us clues about what we need. Tosbi feels worried about a hard puzzle. What would help? Tosbi can say, “I need help.” A need is something that would help.
There are many needs. “I need some space.” “I need more time.” “I need you to listen.” “I need help.” We say it in a short, calm sentence.
Careful: a blame or an order does not say what would help. “Give it to me now!” and “You never listen!” are not needs. A friend may also say, “Not right now.” Then we can ask for another way.
Now you try. Piko’s tower fell, and Piko says, “I feel angry.” What might Piko need? Say it with “I need…”.
Choices when a feeling is big
Name safe choices for a big feeling, such as a slow breath, counting, a short break or telling a grown-up, and tell them from choices that could hurt.
A strong feeling can feel very big, like a wave. Piko’s tower fell, and Piko feels angry. It is okay to feel angry. Piko can choose something safe: a slow breath, counting, a short break or telling a grown-up.
Piko counts slowly to five and lets out one slow breath. The feeling is still there, but it feels a little smaller. Now Piko can think about what to do next.
Careful: some choices can hurt. Snatching the blocks back or pushing Tosbi can hurt a friend. The feeling is okay, but we choose a safe action. If a feeling stays very big, tell a grown-up.
Now you try. Hece is angry because the paint ran out. Which safe choice could Hece pick? Another friend might pick a different one.
Turns and fair rules
Follow a fair turn rule that gives everyone a turn, and say why skipping the line is not fair.
Hece, Piko and Tosbi want to play with one ball. A fair rule helps: everyone gets a turn, one after another. Today the order is Hece, then Piko, then Tosbi.
After the last friend has a turn, the first friend goes again: Hece, Piko, Tosbi, Hece, Piko, Tosbi. The rule repeats, so nobody is left out. A timer can keep every turn the same length.
Careful: skipping the line is not fair, even for one quick turn. It takes Tosbi’s turn. To change the rule, we ask everyone, and we change it only if everyone says yes.
Now you try. The order is Piko, Tosbi, Hece, and then Piko again. Whose turn comes after Tosbi? Whose turn comes after Hece?
A respectful no
Say a clear and kind no, and stop and respect it when a friend says no.
Everyone can say no. Hece asks Tosbi, “Can I use your paints?” Tosbi says, “No, thank you. Not now.” A good no is short, clear and kind. Tosbi does not need a long reason.
When we hear no, we stop. Hece says, “Okay,” and plays with a ball instead. Hece does not ask again and again. A no may change later, but only Tosbi can change it.
Careful: pressuring, begging and grabbing do not listen to a no. “Please, please, please!” does not change Tosbi’s answer. If someone keeps going after your no, move away and tell a grown-up you trust.
Now you try. Piko asks to borrow Hece’s book, but Hece wants to keep it for now. What can Hece say? What does Piko do after hearing no?
Sorry and making it right
Make it right in three steps: say what happened, say sorry, and do something to fix it.
Sometimes we hurt a friend, even by accident. Piko bumps Tosbi’s tower, and it falls. Tosbi says, “I feel sad.” Piko can make it right in three steps.
Step one: say what happened, “I knocked over your tower.” Step two: say sorry, “I am sorry.” Step three: do something to fix it, “Can I help build it again?”
Careful: “It was not my fault!” and “It is only blocks!” are not a sorry. Also, Tosbi does not have to forgive right away. Tosbi may say, “Not now.” Then Piko gives Tosbi time.
Now you try. Hece spills paint on Tosbi’s picture. What happened? What can Hece say? What can Hece do to fix it?
Asking for support
Choose a grown-up you trust and ask for support in three steps: go close, ask to talk, then say what is wrong and what you need.
Some worries are too big to carry alone. Hece feels worried, and the worry does not go away. Hece can ask a grown-up for support. A teacher or another grown-up Hece trusts can help.
How do we ask? First, go close to the grown-up. Next, ask, “Can I talk to you?” Then say what is wrong and what you need: “I feel worried. I need help.”
Careful: keeping a big worry secret does not make it smaller. If the first grown-up is busy or does not listen, try another grown-up you trust. Asking for support is brave, not silly.
Now you try. Tosbi has a worry that will not go away. Which grown-up could Tosbi ask? What could Tosbi say first?